Mornings

Waking up in the morning is always a chore, but this year as I am attempting to become something resembling a well-adjusted member of society, waking up, as tiring as it sounds, is something I have to do. Sometimes it’s the thought of having to sit in that chair for the rest of the day looking for an idea I could stretch, paper-thin and neatly place on a typed up document on my laptop that just makes me groan. Other times it’s simply the thought of having to hear my editor politely screaming at me about something I think she would call …" deadlines "(what's that?). Needless to say, my life is a bore.

Usually, I go through some random feeds on Instagram and tell myself it’s to find “inspiration”. Which, I suppose, would be the case for most people, but because it's me, it can't be anything other than that I'm bored out of my mind. At the end of the day, you could call me a lazy millennial if you really want to, but at the very least you can't say that I’m not self-aware.

i don't know what I'm doing but I'm here and I might as well do what I can

Even a kid like me can think

Can believe

Can hope 

Told not to say strange things

Things adults don’t want to believe

Things they’re afraid to believe

Things they wish to believe

Another second 

Another minute

Another hour

Another year

Blow out all your candles 

And maybe you’ll grow old someday 

Understand the little girl 

The girls who believe that weight is all she has 

The girls who believe that cutting is a term for fighters

The girls who believe that silence is beauty 

The girls who believe that one can never achieve these things you give so easily to those on your “level”

Understand that little boy 

The boys who believe that violence is an answer

The boys who believe that silence is the correct answer

The boys who believe that crying is unbefitting of one whose dream is to become like those who’s words bleed and cease to spread in this pit we refuse to believe is our world

The boys who believe in hiding from the things that truly give their world color

Look around and see the people, the world as it is 

Help this pitiful creature

Save this beautiful sight 

But the dreams of our childlike minds are being twisted into the ideas of the ones we hate the most

One day you’ll understand 

One day you’ll believe me

One day you’ll regret it 

One day you’ll see it my way 

Yes, and one day you will cease to exist as you come back home into the very earth you spit on 

The home you mock and destroy every single day 

One day I won’t be here to see you in your prime 

One day I won’t be here to hear your words in the midst of all this silence

One day I won’t be here to blow out all your candles 

someday

Someday I’ll find you 

Here in your world 

Of distractions from things that go on, little girl 

Someday I’ll protect you 

From the things that take you

From the nightmare that surrounds you

Someday I’ll be there

Someday you’ll see me

Someday I’ll laugh with you 

Make you smile the smile that gives me air

The air I breath  

The smile that makes my heart warm

Someday I’ll cry with you 

For the things that won’t come back

For the things that did

For the things that I did

Someday I’ll come back to you 

To find the things you lost

To find the things that made you smile 

Someday I’ll be here

Someday you’ll find me 

Someday I won’t be lost anymore

But until then I’m sorry 

But until then I’ll cry

I’ll see the diamonds that surround your eyes

And I’ll wipe them from your face

Or at least make an attempt 

And maybe to your surprise 

I can’t say that I haven’t tried

You can’t feel my heart 

But maybe someday

Someday

I’ll finally be alive

What is this blog supposed to be?

Uuuuummm.... This is a question that has been in my head for a while, and I suppose you could call this blog a form of release. In the beginning, I just thought of it as a thing for book recommendations, but at the moment I don't really know what this blog has come to. This blog can be anything you want it to be. If you've come here in search of books don't worry, that's still going to be a thing. I guess you could now call this blog a sort of journal. I have a pretty boring life, and I don't have anything, in particular, to do with my life. But for now, I've decided to focus on having fun? I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm just doing what makes me happy. You can keep reading if you want, I'm not going to force you to or anything. This is just something to help me to, I don't know, bottle up things I guess.  Anyway, have a nice rest of your day. Bye.